Shallow
by Keira Mariano
Summary: My name is Tami McCoy, and if you're reading this, then chances are something happened to me or to my group. Chances are I — we — either died or suffered something even worse. I don't entirely know yet. Either way, something happened, and now you're here. I pray that you believe what I'm going to tell you, because I'm still having trouble believing it, too. So, here it goes. . .
1. Hi

_I'm off the deep end, watch as I dive in,_

 _I'll never meet the ground,_

 _Crash through the surface, where they can't hurt us,_

 _We're far from the shallow now_

-Shallow; **by Lady Gaga + Bradley Cooper**

* * *

If you're reading this, then chances are something happened. Whether it happened to _me_ or my _group_ , I don't entirely know. But, all I can say is something _happened_.

So, I guess I should tell you what's going on, right? Give some big explanation? I can try, but I don't know if you'll believe me. _I_ still have trouble believing it half the time. But. . .what can you do? Life's different now. The world I knew is gone. The world I was born and raised in — it's a fading memory. All I seem to know _now_ is how to survive, how to _kill_. All the things I know how to do now. . .I wouldn't have thought it was all possible. In my old life, I never used a gun, I didn't believe in using guns. I thought I was a pacifist. The old me was all about peace, love, and friendship.* Now, it's all about survival. How many people do _I_ have to kill to keep myself alive? To keep my _people_ alive? It's hard to say. I've killed more than enough people to stay alive; to keep my people alive. It's never enough though. It will _never_ be enough.

I'm getting off topic. . .I do that sometimes. My mind wanders and I can't help but write it down. But, I should get to the point.

My name is Tami McCoy. I chose to document everything that happened since the world fell. By doing so, I knew I wouldn't go completely crazy. I'd be able to remember. I could look back and see how I've changed since the beginning. I'd like to think I've changed a lot. But that's just me. Someone else could have an entirely different opinion. But for me. . .I've become something entirely different. This new world transformed me. Before, I was friendly and outgoing; now, I don't trust people outside my group. I _can't_ trust people outside my group. I remember Rick saying it's because people are always looking for an angle, looking for a way to play off your weakness. He's right. If people aren't careful, they'll fall into the arms of the wrong people. Me? I got lucky enough to meet Rick and his group. God only knows what would've happened if I hadn't.

Am I making sense? God, I _hope_ so. I spent so long trying to find the right words, so I'll understand if you don't get it right away. But, like I mentioned before, the world fell. It was sudden, it took everyone by surprise. No one expected things to end so badly, and when it did, the world was left unprepared.

In the beginning, before anything major started happening, it was only a sickness. People coming down with some kind of bug. Doctors said it was like a flu and a head cold combination — or something along those lines, I can't really remember. All I know is that people who caught the sickness were quarantined pretty quick. The bug spread like wildfire in the early days, that's why it was so important to keep clear of anyone who looked remotely unwell. But even with a quarantine in place, it didn't stop the bug from spreading.

I remember seeing a close friend of mine get sick. She had a cough and a fever at first. Then it went to a stomachache and migraines. She refused to go to a hospital. It was only when she started coughing up blood that she took it seriously. After I dropped her off at the hospital, I never saw her again. But, for some reason, I didn't get sick, even after all the time I spent with my friend. I know you probably won't believe that, I still don't. But I didn't get sick. I don't know why.

In the end, the bug got worse. People panicked, businesses were shutting down, and riots started happening. I remember one happening in my hometown. My mother called to tell me about it — that was before communications dropped. I remember my mother crying, the fear in her voice. It still haunts me. Even after everything I've seen, everything I've endured, it's my mother's terrified cries and the fear in her voice that gets to me.

I'll try and get into the end of the world later on. It's getting late, and I should be heading off to bed. For me, finding shelter before sundown is crucial. It's almost as important as killing the dead and avoiding the living.

 **（ミ￣ー￣ミ）**

When the bug started getting worse, that's when things started to get really bad. Like I mentioned before, that's when people started panicking. Riots, businesses shutting down, eventually power and communications shutting off. Not in that order necessarily, but it happened. Communications fell first, about a week and a half after the bug got really bad. Then, just a few days later, the power went out. Neither were ever bought back, which caused even _more_ panic. The rioting, however, happened _before_ the power and communications dropped, before businesses started closing up. The first wave was like a test run. People were seeing how much they could take before the police caught them. But at that point, during the first wave, it's not like people feared the cops. Getting the essentials was most important.

After communications dropped, that's when the second wave of rioting hit. I took part in the second wave. At the time, I was in Birmingham, Alabama. I needed the food, I needed water, medicine, _any_ thing. I would go down to local gas stations and supermarkets to take what I could. Then I'd go to gas stations to siphon up on gas. I did what I had to do to survive those beginning stages.

When the power dropped and stores closed down, that's when things went crazy. People were trampling each other, _killing_ each other, for the things they needed. No one really had an idea of what death was back then. No one knew that killing, dying, _whatever_ led to reanimation. If the brain was left intact, then the possibilities of a deceased person coming back was 100%. I've seen enough of it in my time. But when the dead started coming back, people didn't know what to do. They had no skills in taking down the reanimated. No one thought something like that was even _plausible_. It seemed as though one bad thing always led to another. There was no escaping it.

For me, in terms of taking down the dead, I had to go through a lot of trial and error. I had a lot of close calls, but I was able to figure out the brain was how they _stayed_ dead. If their head sustained severe enough damage, to where their brains were damaged to an extent, then they'd be gone for sure.

In the beginning, when the dead were rising and people were panicking, things spiraled more and more out of control. People were trying to figure out ways to survive, but they couldn't come up with a rational way to do so. Before communications dropped, there'd been rumors of supposed safe-zones being put up. I wasn't too sure if they'd been done or not. So many people were left out in the street, running and scrambling for their lives, it was hard to tell. I never found those safe-zones, or I was just looking in the wrong areas, but I chose to put them behind me.

I had to learn to put a _lot_ behind me. If I didn't, then I'd never survive in the new world. I'd end up like one of the dead. Mindless, rotting, feeding on the living. That was something I'd never want for myself or anyone else.* At the same time, though, I had to learn that changing sometimes happened, and it was a somewhat natural, strange part of the new world. As horrifying as turning could be, there was no avoiding it.

But I guess you already knew that, huh?

 **（ミ￣ー￣ミ）**

I think, for now, I've told you all I'm willing to say. There's so much more to this than how the world fell and how the dead came back. To me, this story feels complex. I've met people, I've lost people. I've seen humans disguised as monsters, and humans blatantly showing off the monsters they've become. This new world changes people. They become something else entirely, something new. Death doesn't have to befall on them for them to become another thing. The violence of the new world is enough. I've seen it, my group's seen it. . .too many people have seen it.

I just have one question: Is it possible to take the world back?

* * *

 **(A/N):**

 **I don't entirely know how I feel about this first chapter. I don't think my writing went in the direction I was hoping for, but that's fine. I'm sure I can figure something out. But I'll let you guys be the judge of this. Don't hesitate to hold back on any constructive criticism you might have.**

 **TWD doesn't belong to me. All I own are my OCs, my subplots, and the shoes I wear. If you've got ideas for OCs or subplots, be sure to PM me or leave a review. I'll add them in as soon as possible.**

 **With season 9 of TWD being only a few days away — I think — I'm not sure how excited I am for it. In all honesty, I haven't been excited for the show in a long time, not since the cliffhanger of who Negan killed. To me, I feel like the writers and producers had a good idea, in the beginning, on how Negan should be written, but it went downhill after that. To me, season 8 was a letdown, and with Rick leaving so soon in the newer one, I just don't know what to think.**

 **Either way, I'll let you guys leave any comments on what you think.**

 **I'll see you later.***

 **Keira Mariano**


	2. My Beginning

_There's something happening here,_

 _But what it is ain't exactly clear,_

 _There's a man with a gun over there,_

 _Telling me I got to beware_

-For What It's Worth; **by Malia J**

* * *

Everyone had their own beginning. It could've happened before the outbreak, or after. In all honesty, it depended on the person. For me, it happened before; but close enough to the fall where the line between old and new was blurred.

It was a week before my mother's birthday, down in Montgomery, Alabama.

 **(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

 _"Are you excited for your birthday?" I turned to look at my mother, Deanne. She and I were in the kitchen, cleaning the dishes from lunch. Despite it only being a week before her official birthday, a good number of family members traveled from across the country to see her. Some could only stay for a few days, others could stay until Deanne's actual birthday. My siblings and I were some of the few who could stay until the very end._

 _"I suppose." There was a wistful tone in my mother's voice, one I knew too well. "It's hard to believe how old I've become."_

 _"You're not old, Ma." I turned my head back to the dishes I was working on. "You're still pretty youthful."_

 _"Cariño, you're too kind."_

 _I couldn't help but chuckle at that. My mother only used Spanish when she was in an endearing mood. I tried to remind my mother on a near daily basis that she shouldn't let her age get to her, that she was still doing fine, even if she was getting older. She knew better than to believe me, but she appreciated the kind words._

 _"I can't believe how many people made it down here," I said, glancing out the kitchen window. "I would've thought the airlines would've denied them."_

 _With the bug having gained so much traction in the last months, I was positive that airlines would've shut down and cancelled any future flights. I was certain that, in order to stop the spread of the bug, no one would be allowed to go anywhere unless it was by car. But even_ that _was pushing it._

 _"Your cousins said that their flights kept getting pushed back," Ma said. "They had to cancel and find a different way to get here. Not to mention your Aunt Francesca said she had to drive here. The airport near where she lives shut down not even a month ago."_

 _"I didn't know that."_

 _"She didn't want to raise concern."_

 _Chewing on my bottom lip, I thought it over. So airlines_ were _starting to shut their doors. Maybe they were trying to push it out for a little while longer. I couldn't say for sure._

 _"Either way," Ma said, "I'm happy we've got our family here. It's only a shame your father couldn't make it."_

 _"You know he'd want to be here, Ma." I looked at her sadly. My father, Austin McCoy, was in the hospital. He'd contracted the bug back in the beginning, and it didn't help that he was working through other medical conditions, as well. When I came down for Ma's birthday, I wanted to go to the hospital to visit him, but I was stopped from doing so. All hospitals and walk-in clinics had quarantined themselves from the uninfected. They were either filled with the sick and medical personnel, or they were running tests on how to slow everything down. "You meant the world to him, even after the divorce."_

 _"I know," she murmured. "I just wish the doctors would tell me how he's doing. They haven't called me since his admission."_

 _"I'm sure he's doing fine," I said, looking down for a moment. "He_ has _to be."_

 _"He had his pulmonary hypertension," Ma sighed. "Then he got sick. I don't know what to think of this."_

 _Running a hand through my hair, I tried to think of something to say. I felt my fingers tangle in my curls, the unruliness of my hair tugging slightly as I combed through the knots._

 _"He'll get better. He's in a hospital." I looked at Ma, trying my best to look and sound hopeful. "They're full of medicine and doctors. If something happened to him, they would've told us."_

 _Turning the sink off, Ma took a dish towel and dried her hands. Not once did she look at me. Her sad, brown eyes stayed on the soapy water in front of her, on the few dishes that remained from lunch. Her lips pursed together, the wrinkles on her face having deepened some. My parents still held a very strong relationship, even after they divorced. I knew that. They refused to leave things on bad terms, and that was probably the most adult thing to do. But when my father got sick with his hypertension, and then got the bug, things became difficult._

 _"He's with us in spirit," Ma whispered. "That's what counts."_

 ***:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: ***

 _My parents met each other when they were both teenagers. My mother had immigrated to the states from Peru when she was a girl. She grew up in Alabama, her and her parents moved around a lot, going from place to place before settling in Montgomery. When my mother met my father, they were in high school. Naturally, my mother was older by eighteen months, and she didn't actually think my father was at all cute until she graduated._

 _By the time my father graduated high school, that was the moment he started dating my mother._

 _Time went on, and they eventually married and had six kids. They'd always tell the story of how they met and started dating, joking about how they were too busy being kids to notice their feelings for each other. My siblings and I thought the story was funny, so did our parents._

 _It was only after over twenty years of marriage that my mom and dad chose to divorce. The spark that once kept them together had disappeared. They didn't feel the same way for each other, so they both amicably agreed to separate. Since the older kids were already over eighteen at the time of the divorce, they didn't have to worry about any legalities. Me and my younger brothers had to figure out which parent we wanted to live with, despite the joint custody agreement my parents settled with._

 _Everything about that time was difficult. Having to get used to visiting my father every other weekend, living with my mom for most of the time, being confused about why my parents chose to divorce. . .I was only thirteen at the time. I didn't know what was going on, and I had trouble adapting. Most of my friends came from broken families, or maybe even blended families, and some of them hated it. I was afraid that if my mom or dad chose to remarry, that I'd be miserable with my new stepfamily. They never did, though. That was a relief._

 _"You okay there, Tami?"_

 _My thoughts came to an abrupt end when I heard my brother's voice. Turning, I met the curious gaze of my youngest brother, Matteo. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, his hazel eyes glittering curiously, almost_ cautiously _, at me. It was almost like he knew what I was thinking._

 _I had gone outside to kind of get a bit of fresh air, in hope of getting away from any noise so I could have a moment to really think. And not the backyard, where a majority of my family was, but on the front porch where I could sit on the porch-steps and absently look at everything. But, of course, Matteo was quick to notice my absence._

 _"I'm fine," I said, forcing a smile on my face. "Why?"_

 _"You looked like you were thinking a little too deeply there." Walking over, Matteo stood next to me, letting out a big huff. "Not to mention you don't look too happy."_

 _"It's been a long day, I guess," I responded._

 _"It's not even three yet," Matteo added.*_

 _"I know."_

 _"What's really wrong?"_

 _"Ma was talking about dad again."_

 _Sitting down beside me, Matteo nodded. "Yeah," he murmured. "It's not the same without him."_

 _"I just wish we could visit him," I stated. "If the hospitals weren't quarantined. . ."_

 _"You know I'd be right there with you," Matteo exclaimed. "But this bug has every doctor freaking out. They don't want it to spread anymore than it already has."_

 _"Yeah."_

 _"Look, come back inside. Aunt Francesca's going to be telling one of her stories soon and it'd be nice if you were there."*_

 _Giving a small nod, I tried to push away all the previous thoughts from my head. I had to keep up a happy face for the family._

* * *

 **(A/N):**

 **Sorry for the delay on this chapter. I was having major writer's block, so I was having a hard time figuring out what I wanted written and how I wanted it written. . .so I don't know. What do you guys think? Leave constructive criticism on what you think I've done well in and what I should improve on.**

 **Nothing in TWD belongs to me. All I own are my OCs, my subplots, and the cell phone I use every day. If you've got ideas for OCs or subplots, be sure to leave a PM or a review. I'll add them in as soon as possible.**

 **Since it took me so long to actually post this chapter, that means the season 9 premier of TWD has already been aired. What did you guys think of it? Did you like it? Did you not like it? I know this current season is the one where Rick either dies, or just leaves the show for an undisclosed amount of time. Maybe he'll return (if he lives), maybe not. But how do you guys feel about season 9 knowing that Rick is going to leave?**

 **Also, the actor who played Hershel in the earlier seasons, Scott Wilson, died a few days ago! Or yesterday. . .but it was recently. From what I understand, he struggled with cancer and it eventually took him. To me, it's sad that Scott Wilson died, because I thought he was amazing as Hershel. I guess the only good thing out of this is he'll be remembered positively for all the good he's done on-screen and off-screen.**

 **Be sure to leave a random fact in the review section. It can be on something new or on something old. That's up to you guys.**

 **I'll see you later.**

 **Keira Mariano**


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